How to understand men

by Shannon Beinek

The first key to understanding men is realizing the vast difference between male and female thought processes. Early in my present relationship, I was uncertain about how to put this concept to work. A blank stare meant my significant other was uninterested back then. An "I love you" declared without enough heart was a deep sarcastic stab. His forgetting our six month anniversary meant he didn't care anymore. My assumptions confused him, but I could only stop making them once I understood him better.

Men often don't share what bothers them because they want to seem indestructible. Still, every man needs to be reminded that he makes his significant other happy. It will make him feel useful and appreciated. I thought my husband knew whenever he was doing well, but I've learned over time that he needs to hear praise from me. It's the same kind of reassurance I need from him. He's just less likely to ask for it.

Males will avoid conversation for the most part. Women should call their girlfriends to gab for hours. Talking to my one-and-only, I used to get angry when his eyes glazed over. Then I realized that mine do the same thing when he talks about sports! How unfair of me was that? I've learned to get straight to the point. Men don't favor small talk. They say what they mean, mean what they say, and expect the same from women. Inflection means little in male-speak.

Behind the gruff and tough male exterior usually lies less of a grizzly bear, and more of teddy bear. I've lovingly poked fun at my husband's receding hair and doughboy stomach. He didn't look phased, but it hurt his feelings, and he told me that later. Men can be as sensitive as women. They usually won't show it for fear of looking or sounding weak. One of the worst things women can do is belittle men, especially in public, because they always want to look strong and respected.

A few years ago, my husband and I got into a heated argument. He walked away. I called him a coward. In actuality, he was letting of steam and clearing his head. He didn't want to talk to me, and I was frustrated that he wouldn't tell me what he was thinking. That never happens anymore. Men have unusual thoughts that they don't always want to share, so I stopped asking him to. If quiet, he could also be cooling off, and will talk to me about the issue in due time.

It would have been a huge mistake to command him to tell me what he was thinking. Being told what to do doesn't make men feel manly at all. I was surprised when Mr. Right quipped, "Sound more like my wife, and less like my boss, okay? I'll probably listen to you better." I was only trying to be helpful, but he didn't need direction. The last thing a grown man needs is another boss or an extra parent.

Men need food, sex, sleep, and challenges. These four things combined are the key to every man's heart. Male craving for challenge means that occasionally, they need to be told "no". If a man seems bored, chances are he isn't hearing that word quite enough. For the women who have learned to think like them, males are not difficult to figure out. Men want to feel dominant and useful, get straight to the point in conversation, and have their four basic needs fulfilled. Really, what more could a guy ask for?